It all resonates, Danny. It takes a lot of practice to acquire the skills to effectively bring out the brilliance in others while still being in charge of making sure everything lands well. Especially when I was raised to keep control and not share my inner emotions. Now, in my almost 7th decade, it is hard for me to share, receive, and include. However, the isolation can be defining. Changing this perspective takes time and work. That is what I am doing. Thank you for sharing your lived experience. Kim Chatman
What you’re describing - that shift from control to allowing others in - is not easy, especially when it runs counter to how you were wired for so long.
The fact that you’re doing that work now is what matters, and it’s where the shift starts.
The essay argues that many capable people confuse responsibility with handling everything alone. While self-reliance provides credit, cover, and control, it often stems from a deeper need to prove worthiness. Doing it alone can feel noble, but it limits growth and impact.
True strength isn’t carrying everything yourself—it’s having the courage to let others see problems before they’re solved and inviting help early enough to make a difference.
Martyrs optimize for effort and endurance; winners optimize for outcomes. Real responsibility means making things better, even if that requires vulnerability and shared ownership.
It all resonates, Danny. It takes a lot of practice to acquire the skills to effectively bring out the brilliance in others while still being in charge of making sure everything lands well. Especially when I was raised to keep control and not share my inner emotions. Now, in my almost 7th decade, it is hard for me to share, receive, and include. However, the isolation can be defining. Changing this perspective takes time and work. That is what I am doing. Thank you for sharing your lived experience. Kim Chatman
Kim, I really appreciate you sharing this.
What you’re describing - that shift from control to allowing others in - is not easy, especially when it runs counter to how you were wired for so long.
The fact that you’re doing that work now is what matters, and it’s where the shift starts.
The essay argues that many capable people confuse responsibility with handling everything alone. While self-reliance provides credit, cover, and control, it often stems from a deeper need to prove worthiness. Doing it alone can feel noble, but it limits growth and impact.
True strength isn’t carrying everything yourself—it’s having the courage to let others see problems before they’re solved and inviting help early enough to make a difference.
Martyrs optimize for effort and endurance; winners optimize for outcomes. Real responsibility means making things better, even if that requires vulnerability and shared ownership.
This is a really thoughtful distillation of the idea, Vincent - I appreciate the way you captured it.
The distinction between carrying and coordinating is the one that tends to get missed, and it’s where the real leverage shows up.